Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Is a 'cold fish' really a reptile?

Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not purely reptilian. If I were I would no doubt have a surname such as Rockerfeller and enjoy a great personal fortune. Like most people I have a hint of serpent blood from one notable forbear, muddied and diluted over countless liaisons with willing humans. But snake genes are dominant and a serpentine personality is one which I enjoy. What is it that makes someone attractive? I’ve always found the sexiest men to be brilliant, single minded, arrogant, cold and a little aloof. We all know the type and I’m pretty sure that in most cases they’re thoroughbred reptiles. Would we really get rid of these delicious creatures just because of their genealogy? I would hope not.

Ironically I married a thoroughly ‘nice’ human male. What attracted me to him was his honesty and strong moral code. Opposites attract you see. We have two children, one is lovable warm and average while the other is brilliant, calculating and cold. I love them in equal measure but in different ways. They are who they are and I can almost hear their petulant protestations “I didn’t ask to be born”. They each deserve to exist and I will not have either one of them persecuted for personality traits that they cannot help.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Live and Let Live

Seemingly endlessly, blame is delivered at the door of us reptiles for all the ills in the world. From greed to poverty, from warfare to environmental disasters, everything, it seems, is now the fault of us reptiles. Tentative whispers against our kind have grown into vitriolic roars over the last few decades.

Is the current persecution of reptilians any different from that of the Jews in Germany prior to the Second World War? In both cases jealousy was a major factor. The Jews were persecuted and hated in Germany because throughout the 1920s and 30s they had accrued much of the wealth. Most of the people who clamour and gripe against reptiles are jealous of what we have achieved and acquired. Most reptiles are resourceful and successful. Many are wealthy and those that aren’t are adaptable. Most of our detractors are, how can I put it nicely, losers.

We reptiles are often castigated for nepotism and keeping our blood line pure and our family members in positions of power and prestige. Well, I have a question for you. Wouldn’t you do the same? Be honest with yourself now. Wouldn’t you be delighted if your child married into a good family? Wouldn’t you be bursting with pride if your niece or nephew got that prestigious job that everyone wanted? Reptilians, like humans are motivated by love for their family. All we want is to see our children do well, succeed and be happy. Now is that so very different from what you want?

The human v. reptile struggle is an ancient one. It doesn’t as many presume, have it’s origins in the Old Testament, but the Genesis story does highlight the repulsion yet fascination that snakes have always engendered in human kind.

Personally I have grown to loathe the way reptiles are portrayed in our ancient texts. My least favourite, it may surprise you to learn, is The Frog Prince. Legend would have us believe that a handsome prince, unfortunate enough to be turned into a frog by a naughty witch, was restored to human form by the kiss of a beautiful princess. This is utter bollocks. In truth, he was never human (although he was so much more than just a ribbiting frog). He earned the love of a beautiful and desirable young heiress through his quick wit and cold blooded determination. He was perhaps a little more reserved and distant than her previous dates but she found it quite exciting to be with a man who didn’t gush over every little thing. She had to work harder to win his affection and this in itself was pretty sexy. The allure of the other was something she couldn’t resist. And besides he was so much more interesting than those mandolin playing suitors with silly haircuts.

Over the centuries the tale reached our ears and as children we learned of the miraculous metamorphosis from frog to prince. But of course it’s only a story it couldn’t really happen. Oh but it did, and it continues to do so every day. Inter marriages are as numberless as confetti. By far the majority of reptiles are not evil, they just have a drive and ambition that the average ‘person’ can’t begin to understand.